Major Life Changing Events

I remember back in 1995-1996 when my 1st husband Gary and I split up and divorced. I was sure I was going to die, I was already dying inside because my love for him was just so deep still at that time and to top it off our son., oh my god what about Max? We'd been married 7 yrs years, together 9, I married him before I graduated high school.  During our dating we'd already gone through a tragic vehicle accident which left him disabled and had to get out of the Marine Corps. I don't remember what exactly his plans were career wise before that but he was discharged but persevered  He was water skiing on the Colorado river 6 months later. He wasn't going to let anyone tell him he couldn't do it.  He was strong...those are the traits of that man I fell in love with but later as we were married we changed, we both changed.  There was some domestic violence  though the years but we seemed to be ok.  In the end it wasn't ok we were both miserable, the name calling, the fighting and hitting was worse than ever. I still felt I loved this man so much I couldn't bare my life without him. He met a woman and he fell in love, then he left me.

He left, I cried, my heart was just so empty and I wasn't going to be able to move on without him.  I grieved but continued to be a mom and go to work.  During this time I made some stupid choices  I was mad then sad and even more mad then sad.  I remember when we separated our income's I went the bank and asked them to help me get all my checking stuff set up because Gary managed the finances and didn't really know what to do.  I was 26yrs old.  After that I realized that I carried for this man because he is my son's father but being away from him is better for all of us.  No more fighting, no more having Max hear us fight, no more being miserable. It was time to heal..........

Life changes over the years with good and bad events.  I went back to using drugs after the break up. It was tough to get through that but I had friends who supported me and it ended up working out.  I wen through a " I hate him period" but I knew that I had to forgive him before I could move on. About a year later I sold everything I had except my personal belongings and packed up my car and moved to North Carolina. I hid for a month, became sober, got a job. I went to church every sunday for a year and begged for GOD to take all of that sadness hatred away and let me move on. I continued to work, have fun with friends and travel.  It was now almost 2 yrs later I wanted to much to be loved and have that relationship but I wanted to be ready, I wanted to do it right the next time.   

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I found this book "What to do Until LOVE Finds YOu". I took a chance and bought it.  I read it in a day, I read it over and over and over. I was amazing.  I loaned it to a friend, never got it back bought another one. Did that twice, now I am still without a book but these friends who I lent it to needed to read this book. It is healing. This book helps you find you, helps you understand why things are happening and to make sure your ok. 

I came back to Arizona and got lucky to find Mr. Salter, I am so so blessed he was brought into my life. He's been my best friend and has been by my side through thick and thin.  But what the kicker is I had to go through years of agony to find this man, to heal and to find out who I am and that is most important.  You need to put yourself first to make sure you are ok.  Deal with whats been handed to you, you will too be ok.  Keep hope in your heart because it's really going to be ok.