Friday, January 18, 2013
An Independent Woman
To many times have I come across someone telling me about a woman being controlled by her man or that friend is venting that her husband won't let her something she really wants to do. Whether it's , take this class or be friends with this person. I used to have harsh opinions when I had this topic of conversation, lately I listen....if she needs help I'll help. However, at the same time I have to remember what I went through for 9 yrs. My first marriage was tragic, I was a victim of physical and verbal abuse. We were young and I was a different person then but when we divorced I remember I was so lost and scared I swore I would never allow a man to have control of my choices or feelings again. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't bad everyday. We have an amazing son out of it and there are things I remember that he taught me over the years. But I struggled with getting through with the shadow I carried feeling worthless, fat and a piece of shit. It effected my life and relationships for many years, however I am the woman today from that experience so today, I am grateful to him because I am me!
I continue to wonder, what makes a woman not want to be successful? I was always career driven, always enhancing my education. But what makes a woman allow a man to not allow her to have a friend or watch a certain TV show? It's so important woman learn to break this vicious circle of abuse. Women need to become more courageous and independent. Stand up to him and tell him you are important too and your feelings matter. I know it's easier said then done, I can totally relate with not knowing where to start. I will never judge a woman in this situation, I will be sad for them, I will help them and support them. But it's something you have to want, be free and independent.
I work on myself everyday. If it's not my physical appearance, it's my education and career. I am constantly wanted to improve who I am. I won't lie and say I don't have bad days where I feel defeated, but those are decreasing rapidly. I am working on my second Masters, in a job that I enjoy doing what I do well and I have the best man in my life I could ever ask for. I just need to keep working on everything.
Having a sense of worth is so important. No matter what your interests or beliefs are they are just as important as the next persons. You need to love who you are and by doing the things you love and work towards the dreams you have that will happen. This will also increase your drive to be motivated in other area's in your life. Make a list of things you are constantly calling others for or to fix. How often are you just taking the initiative to do it? This will be hard but it'll be an eye opener when you look at the list and see how much you really can do yourself and not have to depend on others.
Decrease what you do for everyone else. How often do those people "repay" for you helping them everyday with something. Take a step back and realize if your not babysitting for Lucy every other day you could be taking a hot bath and relaxing, reading a book or taking a walk, doing something for yourself. This will increase your self-esteem/self worth. No matter how many people you think are your friends, well you probably need to reevaluate your life at this point. Remember if you have continue doing everything for everyone else, when are you doing something for yourself?
Life can get overwhelming but how great will it be that it's finally YOUR overwhelmed life!!
I continue to wonder, what makes a woman not want to be successful? I was always career driven, always enhancing my education. But what makes a woman allow a man to not allow her to have a friend or watch a certain TV show? It's so important woman learn to break this vicious circle of abuse. Women need to become more courageous and independent. Stand up to him and tell him you are important too and your feelings matter. I know it's easier said then done, I can totally relate with not knowing where to start. I will never judge a woman in this situation, I will be sad for them, I will help them and support them. But it's something you have to want, be free and independent.
I work on myself everyday. If it's not my physical appearance, it's my education and career. I am constantly wanted to improve who I am. I won't lie and say I don't have bad days where I feel defeated, but those are decreasing rapidly. I am working on my second Masters, in a job that I enjoy doing what I do well and I have the best man in my life I could ever ask for. I just need to keep working on everything.
Having a sense of worth is so important. No matter what your interests or beliefs are they are just as important as the next persons. You need to love who you are and by doing the things you love and work towards the dreams you have that will happen. This will also increase your drive to be motivated in other area's in your life. Make a list of things you are constantly calling others for or to fix. How often are you just taking the initiative to do it? This will be hard but it'll be an eye opener when you look at the list and see how much you really can do yourself and not have to depend on others.
Decrease what you do for everyone else. How often do those people "repay" for you helping them everyday with something. Take a step back and realize if your not babysitting for Lucy every other day you could be taking a hot bath and relaxing, reading a book or taking a walk, doing something for yourself. This will increase your self-esteem/self worth. No matter how many people you think are your friends, well you probably need to reevaluate your life at this point. Remember if you have continue doing everything for everyone else, when are you doing something for yourself?
Life can get overwhelming but how great will it be that it's finally YOUR overwhelmed life!!
The smartest thing a woman can ever learn, is to never need a man.
Quality vs. Quantity
It has occurred to me, not sure if it's age or not that the quality of a friend is found to be most important as you do grow older. I have 325 friends on Facebook with some of them family. Alot unscribe me because I post so much crap, and I'm ok with that :0) However I have recently had a "come to jesus" discussion with an old friend who I haven't been ok with for a couple of years now.
We were typing through email to each other like writing in a diary, it was some what refreshing to put thoughts and feelings down to someone, being honest and myself and ok with the outcome. We were able to talk a lot about the past some stupid things we've done and things that were said over the years and also be truthful about things that have happened over the years. Whats funny, it is all stuff we already knew, it makes a difference to finally be validated? I am sure she felt the same way. During these emails I didn't say anything I wouldn't say to her, or anyone for that matter in their presence. The outcome what that even though our friendship was important to us, we've allows others to dictate outcomes over the years and had forgotten how important we were to each other.
I explained to her that I have decided that I am not going to say anymore I have ALOT of friends because I really don't. I know a lot of people, acquaintances per say who I have met over the years. It's the quality of a friendship what matters to me today not the quantity of those people in my life. So, I sat and asked myself what I though a quality friend was and I came up with this
Honesty
courage
Respect
and most important truthful.
The thing that just gets me the most is when someone is being nice to your face because they have too, no one HAS to be nice to anyone, don't fake it. Now being the bigger person is the difference. I have enough respect for myself that I don' t need you if that's the case. I won't any longer continue for it to be a one way exchange. If you wanted to be a part of my life, you too would call me.
It's unfortunate, I have a lot of memories with a lot of people who have come in and out of my life. Some people who have touched my heart and some people who have broke my heart. I think this is just how it's suppose to be until you find that perfect place where you need to be in to have balance and peace in your life, no matter who's there with you in the end!
How many "FRIENDS" do you have in your life today?
We were typing through email to each other like writing in a diary, it was some what refreshing to put thoughts and feelings down to someone, being honest and myself and ok with the outcome. We were able to talk a lot about the past some stupid things we've done and things that were said over the years and also be truthful about things that have happened over the years. Whats funny, it is all stuff we already knew, it makes a difference to finally be validated? I am sure she felt the same way. During these emails I didn't say anything I wouldn't say to her, or anyone for that matter in their presence. The outcome what that even though our friendship was important to us, we've allows others to dictate outcomes over the years and had forgotten how important we were to each other.
I explained to her that I have decided that I am not going to say anymore I have ALOT of friends because I really don't. I know a lot of people, acquaintances per say who I have met over the years. It's the quality of a friendship what matters to me today not the quantity of those people in my life. So, I sat and asked myself what I though a quality friend was and I came up with this
- A person who will be sitting in the jail cell with you laughing or saying oh shit do you think our husband will bail us out? (humor)
- Someone who won't judge you because of who you are, what you like or what you believe it.
- A person who understands when mistakes are made
- Someone who will say hi either by text or email just because
- Someone who will say "ill call you tomorrow and calls!!
- Someone who has enough respect for you not to allow you not to go in public wearing what you have on if it's really that bad
- A person you can tell your darkest secrets too and know they are safe
- A person you miss when you haven't been able to talk for awhile
Honesty
courage
Respect
and most important truthful.
The thing that just gets me the most is when someone is being nice to your face because they have too, no one HAS to be nice to anyone, don't fake it. Now being the bigger person is the difference. I have enough respect for myself that I don' t need you if that's the case. I won't any longer continue for it to be a one way exchange. If you wanted to be a part of my life, you too would call me.
It's unfortunate, I have a lot of memories with a lot of people who have come in and out of my life. Some people who have touched my heart and some people who have broke my heart. I think this is just how it's suppose to be until you find that perfect place where you need to be in to have balance and peace in your life, no matter who's there with you in the end!
How many "FRIENDS" do you have in your life today?
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