People change, things change, priorities change. It's LIfe!

As a therapist change is something I analyse every day.  I always find myself going back to the stages of change model. 

• PreContemplation
• Contemplation
• Preparation 
• Action 
• Maintenance

I believe when a person is making a change in their lives they follow this model and most don't even know it exists.  I didn't until I worked in behavioural health.  Since then I hold myself accountable for the changes I make with myself, my career my friends and my family.  I have to because it affects everyone around me at some point in some aspect.  People change over the years.  They become married, have children everything changes.  Goals, career goals, priorities and ethics.  When I think about who I was 13 yrs ago to who I am now I laugh, shake my head and think "what was I thinking".  However, I truly believe our past brings us to who we are today.  

Our individual experiences open our eyes and our heart breaks change our beliefs but our achievements increases our motivation. We are human, you have feelings, I have determination, you have priorities I have career goals.  We all have the drive to be who we desire and in the end we become different people then who we were 10-15-20 yrs ago. 

Lately, I have been looking at things differently in my life, who I spend my time with, who I care about and who truly cares about me.  Wow have things really changed!!!    Approx 6 months ago I spent time with someone who I barely knew.  I realized how amazing she was in so many different ways. Because of our conversations she opened my eyes to some things I didn't ever think of or even consider. In the end it made sense ...I came to realize that I have changed in many different ways which in turn changed my priorities. 

I remember  needing a lot of people in my life and having such a huge desire to be liked and surrounded by people, that's not me anymore. I remember that the words didn't hurt me but I cared in silence, I am not that person anymore.  Words hurt me and now I voice my feelings but protect my heart.  I remember when I would push different things aside and not think of myself, now I am my priority because if I'm not ok I am not a good wife or mother. I am now in the action phase. 

I can guarantee you there are things I wished I did differently in my life, I can kick myself for not being more assertive in the past.  however,  I can promise you I will do it right from this day forward.  I can also tell you those who hurt me aren't going to ever do it again and I will always regret those who I forgot.  I will always remember there's an underlying factor to human behaviour and consider exactly what this post is about..... She changed, he changed and I changed. It's not a bad thing...it's life....it's just how it is. We aren't meant to be who we once were. 

Life goes on.............Right?

TODAY we celebrate the women who made us who we are....Our Mothers!

Even as a little girl I have memories about watching my mom and my grandmother interact. My mom helping her in her kitchen and doing things for her in her home and even visa versa when my grandmother came to our house.
I cherish the holidays where I watched them make povatitza and pasties together each year.  When we would all get together and go to Stadon park or Homestake late to picnic. 

I remember watching my mom plant her flowers in the pots in front of the house each spring and they never ever died, I try to now and I can't do it the way mom and grandmother did.  I remember the rose bushes my grandmother had and how important they were to her and how beautiful there were, now my mom has her own rose garden and how funny I am building my rose garden. 

We've all gone our seperate ways over the years weather it was going to heaven or moving away, I have so many fabulous memories of the 2 women I admire and love so dearly.  My mother and my gradmother. 7 yrs ago my grandmother passed away today and I miss her so much. You are always in my heart.  No matter what happened over the years my love for my mother hasn't changed, if anything it has become stronger. I watch my mother go through so my obstacles in here life and she keeps her head up high and doesn't let anything or anyone push her down.  She is strong, she is intelligent, MOSTLY right ...and always my biggest Hero! 

Here's to you mom!!          Taper'Light
       My Mom and ALL of us kids 
My grandma Blanche  My grandmother in her 20's  I believe this is my mom with her brother My mom in the middle on a christmas My dearest grandmother holding kailtynn for the first and last time.  These are precious pictures to me. 

Who are we to judge others?

I refer back to my first marriage alot because I bring so much from those experiences into my life now as a learning experience. Don't get me wrong there were GREAT times and those memories are treasured.  I think back at times when we seperated and divorced, what we could have done differently to make it easier on ourselves and our son.  I believe our son Travis suffered a great deal through the crap that was created through the divorce. Divorce isn't easy on anyone. There are so many emotions a person goes through when you spend so many vital years with someone and "poof" it seems to end just like that. What the heck happened, gosh I've asked that over and over to myself.  Alot of you are probably asking me why does it matter it was a long time ago!! Well it does matter because who wants to make those mistakes again?? Certainly not I and to now know what we went through opens my eyes alot with things I expiereince today. 

When we divorced we both lost friends.  It was like our friends were "divided" up in the divorce.  There were some who never talked to me again and some who I've reconnected with in the last few years which is amazing to me, I love it. And some who never left my side no matter what I might of done or said wrong, no one is perfect.  But when you loose those friends, those people who had been there for years and years, those who just take a side, it's heart breaking, but there's a reason for everything right? 

But then you have to ask, are they taking a side or is it really just easier to go in this direction?  I can't imagine because I don't want to be that person, who am I to judge or assume anything about anyone.  If  charlie brown left his wife and was dating somene 10 yrs younger what business is that of mine? And how do I know that Charlie Brown isn't going through some mid life crisis he may need some professional help with and this is just an easier escape? Wouldn't this be the time Charlie would need his friends the most?  Hey don't laugh if you don't know how that feels because it's very very common in situations like this.

My point to this is judging, we are all going to go through things in our lives and have friends who may go through divorce or support others when they are going through something.  What charlie brown does through this difficult time isn't my bussiness and what kind of friend am I, or would I be if I kicked him to the curb because of the desicions he makes.  It's important in our life that we need to be true to ourselves but if you can't have the same standard when it comes to those you tell your secrets to you aren't really who you think you are! Wouldn't you agree?

I think it's time that people put up or shut up.  I need to be true to my friends as I would hope they would be to me if I ended up like Charlie Brown. I don't need people to judge me when I'm going through my life issues, thats what I need the most .  I'm certainly going to hold true to do the same for those in my life who are my friends.  Aren't we suppose to stick together when we're going through the hardest times in our lives?

Out of all the people who has come into my life over the years I have a hadful of people that I can trust and still feel comfortable telling my deepest darkest secrets to if I needed to because I know I won't be pityed or judged.  I hope I can continue to strive to be a better person and friend if any of my friends had the unfortunate situation in their lives I hope I can be there for a support!