Friday, January 18, 2013
An Independent Woman
To many times have I come across someone telling me about a woman being controlled by her man or that friend is venting that her husband won't let her something she really wants to do. Whether it's , take this class or be friends with this person. I used to have harsh opinions when I had this topic of conversation, lately I listen....if she needs help I'll help. However, at the same time I have to remember what I went through for 9 yrs. My first marriage was tragic, I was a victim of physical and verbal abuse. We were young and I was a different person then but when we divorced I remember I was so lost and scared I swore I would never allow a man to have control of my choices or feelings again. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't bad everyday. We have an amazing son out of it and there are things I remember that he taught me over the years. But I struggled with getting through with the shadow I carried feeling worthless, fat and a piece of shit. It effected my life and relationships for many years, however I am the woman today from that experience so today, I am grateful to him because I am me!
I continue to wonder, what makes a woman not want to be successful? I was always career driven, always enhancing my education. But what makes a woman allow a man to not allow her to have a friend or watch a certain TV show? It's so important woman learn to break this vicious circle of abuse. Women need to become more courageous and independent. Stand up to him and tell him you are important too and your feelings matter. I know it's easier said then done, I can totally relate with not knowing where to start. I will never judge a woman in this situation, I will be sad for them, I will help them and support them. But it's something you have to want, be free and independent.
I work on myself everyday. If it's not my physical appearance, it's my education and career. I am constantly wanted to improve who I am. I won't lie and say I don't have bad days where I feel defeated, but those are decreasing rapidly. I am working on my second Masters, in a job that I enjoy doing what I do well and I have the best man in my life I could ever ask for. I just need to keep working on everything.
Having a sense of worth is so important. No matter what your interests or beliefs are they are just as important as the next persons. You need to love who you are and by doing the things you love and work towards the dreams you have that will happen. This will also increase your drive to be motivated in other area's in your life. Make a list of things you are constantly calling others for or to fix. How often are you just taking the initiative to do it? This will be hard but it'll be an eye opener when you look at the list and see how much you really can do yourself and not have to depend on others.
Decrease what you do for everyone else. How often do those people "repay" for you helping them everyday with something. Take a step back and realize if your not babysitting for Lucy every other day you could be taking a hot bath and relaxing, reading a book or taking a walk, doing something for yourself. This will increase your self-esteem/self worth. No matter how many people you think are your friends, well you probably need to reevaluate your life at this point. Remember if you have continue doing everything for everyone else, when are you doing something for yourself?
Life can get overwhelming but how great will it be that it's finally YOUR overwhelmed life!!
I continue to wonder, what makes a woman not want to be successful? I was always career driven, always enhancing my education. But what makes a woman allow a man to not allow her to have a friend or watch a certain TV show? It's so important woman learn to break this vicious circle of abuse. Women need to become more courageous and independent. Stand up to him and tell him you are important too and your feelings matter. I know it's easier said then done, I can totally relate with not knowing where to start. I will never judge a woman in this situation, I will be sad for them, I will help them and support them. But it's something you have to want, be free and independent.
I work on myself everyday. If it's not my physical appearance, it's my education and career. I am constantly wanted to improve who I am. I won't lie and say I don't have bad days where I feel defeated, but those are decreasing rapidly. I am working on my second Masters, in a job that I enjoy doing what I do well and I have the best man in my life I could ever ask for. I just need to keep working on everything.
Having a sense of worth is so important. No matter what your interests or beliefs are they are just as important as the next persons. You need to love who you are and by doing the things you love and work towards the dreams you have that will happen. This will also increase your drive to be motivated in other area's in your life. Make a list of things you are constantly calling others for or to fix. How often are you just taking the initiative to do it? This will be hard but it'll be an eye opener when you look at the list and see how much you really can do yourself and not have to depend on others.
Decrease what you do for everyone else. How often do those people "repay" for you helping them everyday with something. Take a step back and realize if your not babysitting for Lucy every other day you could be taking a hot bath and relaxing, reading a book or taking a walk, doing something for yourself. This will increase your self-esteem/self worth. No matter how many people you think are your friends, well you probably need to reevaluate your life at this point. Remember if you have continue doing everything for everyone else, when are you doing something for yourself?
Life can get overwhelming but how great will it be that it's finally YOUR overwhelmed life!!
The smartest thing a woman can ever learn, is to never need a man.
Quality vs. Quantity
It has occurred to me, not sure if it's age or not that the quality of a friend is found to be most important as you do grow older. I have 325 friends on Facebook with some of them family. Alot unscribe me because I post so much crap, and I'm ok with that :0) However I have recently had a "come to jesus" discussion with an old friend who I haven't been ok with for a couple of years now.
We were typing through email to each other like writing in a diary, it was some what refreshing to put thoughts and feelings down to someone, being honest and myself and ok with the outcome. We were able to talk a lot about the past some stupid things we've done and things that were said over the years and also be truthful about things that have happened over the years. Whats funny, it is all stuff we already knew, it makes a difference to finally be validated? I am sure she felt the same way. During these emails I didn't say anything I wouldn't say to her, or anyone for that matter in their presence. The outcome what that even though our friendship was important to us, we've allows others to dictate outcomes over the years and had forgotten how important we were to each other.
I explained to her that I have decided that I am not going to say anymore I have ALOT of friends because I really don't. I know a lot of people, acquaintances per say who I have met over the years. It's the quality of a friendship what matters to me today not the quantity of those people in my life. So, I sat and asked myself what I though a quality friend was and I came up with this
Honesty
courage
Respect
and most important truthful.
The thing that just gets me the most is when someone is being nice to your face because they have too, no one HAS to be nice to anyone, don't fake it. Now being the bigger person is the difference. I have enough respect for myself that I don' t need you if that's the case. I won't any longer continue for it to be a one way exchange. If you wanted to be a part of my life, you too would call me.
It's unfortunate, I have a lot of memories with a lot of people who have come in and out of my life. Some people who have touched my heart and some people who have broke my heart. I think this is just how it's suppose to be until you find that perfect place where you need to be in to have balance and peace in your life, no matter who's there with you in the end!
How many "FRIENDS" do you have in your life today?
We were typing through email to each other like writing in a diary, it was some what refreshing to put thoughts and feelings down to someone, being honest and myself and ok with the outcome. We were able to talk a lot about the past some stupid things we've done and things that were said over the years and also be truthful about things that have happened over the years. Whats funny, it is all stuff we already knew, it makes a difference to finally be validated? I am sure she felt the same way. During these emails I didn't say anything I wouldn't say to her, or anyone for that matter in their presence. The outcome what that even though our friendship was important to us, we've allows others to dictate outcomes over the years and had forgotten how important we were to each other.
I explained to her that I have decided that I am not going to say anymore I have ALOT of friends because I really don't. I know a lot of people, acquaintances per say who I have met over the years. It's the quality of a friendship what matters to me today not the quantity of those people in my life. So, I sat and asked myself what I though a quality friend was and I came up with this
- A person who will be sitting in the jail cell with you laughing or saying oh shit do you think our husband will bail us out? (humor)
- Someone who won't judge you because of who you are, what you like or what you believe it.
- A person who understands when mistakes are made
- Someone who will say hi either by text or email just because
- Someone who will say "ill call you tomorrow and calls!!
- Someone who has enough respect for you not to allow you not to go in public wearing what you have on if it's really that bad
- A person you can tell your darkest secrets too and know they are safe
- A person you miss when you haven't been able to talk for awhile
Honesty
courage
Respect
and most important truthful.
The thing that just gets me the most is when someone is being nice to your face because they have too, no one HAS to be nice to anyone, don't fake it. Now being the bigger person is the difference. I have enough respect for myself that I don' t need you if that's the case. I won't any longer continue for it to be a one way exchange. If you wanted to be a part of my life, you too would call me.
It's unfortunate, I have a lot of memories with a lot of people who have come in and out of my life. Some people who have touched my heart and some people who have broke my heart. I think this is just how it's suppose to be until you find that perfect place where you need to be in to have balance and peace in your life, no matter who's there with you in the end!
How many "FRIENDS" do you have in your life today?
Monday, January 7, 2013
You can't forget about you...Self Care is Mandatory
As busy as our lives become or how many amazing or tragic events may happen, you can't forget about yourself. Each and every one of us is going to experience something we don't want to, something that will rip our heart out. These moments can be so painful we forget about taking care of ourselves. It's not because we need to forget the importance of what is happening in our lives but it's important to be healthy, emotionally and physically. Once we focus on our health we're able to make healthy choices and feel good about who we are and what direction we're going even if it's not the direction we want to go in.
A few years ago I went through a serious depression, I had some tragic event happen in my life with in a 6 month period. I started having increased anxiety and panic attacks. It was awful. At this time I was so focused on what the negative situation was that I wasn't taking care of myself. I wasn't focusing on taking care of these new symptoms because they were debilitating. I couldn't get out of bed some days, I would just cry because I felt my life was falling apart. I wouldn't be nice to my husband I one day I just realized I need to see someone. As hard as it was I took myself to a doctor and I was diagnosis ed with clinical depression. I was seriously shocked and realized I need to fix this because I was not ok with what was happening to me. My marriage was suffering, my child was suffering and it wasn't fair. I had someone to go talk too, someone I could trust. I started doing things to keep my brain busy, and staying away from the negative that did nothing for me.
Finally at a point I felt better and I could focus more on the issues in my life and approach them in a health process. I wasn't crying in bed anymore and I was feeling better about who I was as a person. It took about 2 yrs and it wasn't easy. What I learned through this is you can't forget about you....you need to practice self care constantly in your life to be able to raise your family effectively and have healthy relationships. A depressed Deana was not attractive and I give my husband many thank yous for standing by my side and understanding that it was going to take time.
I did go on medications, A huge dose of medication and I have decreased that dosage to almost nothing. I am more active, I am doing things I want to do for me, I treat myself and I am not only a better nicer person, I am happier and that helps me be a better mother and wive.
A few years ago I went through a serious depression, I had some tragic event happen in my life with in a 6 month period. I started having increased anxiety and panic attacks. It was awful. At this time I was so focused on what the negative situation was that I wasn't taking care of myself. I wasn't focusing on taking care of these new symptoms because they were debilitating. I couldn't get out of bed some days, I would just cry because I felt my life was falling apart. I wouldn't be nice to my husband I one day I just realized I need to see someone. As hard as it was I took myself to a doctor and I was diagnosis ed with clinical depression. I was seriously shocked and realized I need to fix this because I was not ok with what was happening to me. My marriage was suffering, my child was suffering and it wasn't fair. I had someone to go talk too, someone I could trust. I started doing things to keep my brain busy, and staying away from the negative that did nothing for me.
I did go on medications, A huge dose of medication and I have decreased that dosage to almost nothing. I am more active, I am doing things I want to do for me, I treat myself and I am not only a better nicer person, I am happier and that helps me be a better mother and wive.
Saturday, January 5, 2013
New year....New Friends.....New plans
I ended my old blog with a reflection on 2011 and that made me realize I hadn't written for a YEAR! WOW 2012 was busy for us. SO reflecting on the year 2012 we had some huge challenges. Eli moved home from being stationed at China Lake for 3 yrs I vow never to do that again., well maybe. It depends solely on the situation. However, I don't recommend living apart from your spouse if you could help it. It was tough on our marriage and to make things worse, upon moving home he deployed 5 weeks later so we didn't have much time at all to adjust. We've pushed through it and it's well because we love each other and that's the difference. As much as I cry and say that I can't do this anymore, I can't imagine living my life without him he is my hero, my best friend and those are reminders that we'll be ok. he's been home now a year with no interruption yep its been tough but we're getting through it.
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Eli and I renewed our vows in 2012, it was great seeing all of our friends and getting family together. Elis' mother and step father was able to come and stay with us for about 5 weeks. And his brother Alex and his family came for the wedding. I wish we were closer to them all but we're not so we'll make it work.
I have found over the last year a lot of way I look at things have changed. I have found that there were people in life that not healthy for me so I made changes. I want more then anything to have balance in my life with my family, career and friends. Without those pieces I am not at peace. I remember someone told me once you can have a thousand acquaintances but you should always be able to count your friends on 1 hand. These are people who you can go months without talking and go back like it's been only a day.
These friends are those you can talk to an you know your words are safe. Your feelings aren't manipulated and your not going to be judge or chastised in other conversations when your not there. I think my problem is that I believe in everyone is honest and true until I am proved otherwise. Year 2012 has forced me to do the opposite, they need to prove they are honest and true before I am otherwise trusting. It's unfortunate but I have been forced to focus in this direction because of the experiences I have had in the last year. I need to be ok for myself so I can be good for my husband and my family.
Don't get me wrong I have certainly made my amount of mistakes of the years but I have been extremely humbled in the last year with certain experiences I have been through and I have made a solemn vow to be who I am and be true to myself and I my conscious will be clear. I am such an honest person anyways, lying and being deceitful doesn't come easy for me. if you know me and if I've tried to lie to you you know I can't do it. lol
Our daughter is growing into an amazing young lady. She's picked up such a sense of humor from us. She loves to prank me. yes I said ME because I am the only one she pranks. once I'm asleep she'll draw on my face. Once she put power in my hair dryer and when i fell asleep they all stacked JENGA on my face. Im sure there are more pranks to come in 2013! Kaitlynn did her first season of CHEER through MCAS. She loved it and we've recently learned that the middle school she'll be attending has a squad there. It's tough work but I am hoping she'll continue with this sport. I know she enjoys it.
I did graduate with my Master in Public administration and in 2012 I started a 2nd Masters in Psychology. This is harder then anything I've ever studied. I will probably take a 5 yr break and then then work on my PH.d . I changed jobs in December. I am not working as a Program supervisor at Arizona's children s Association. I am supervising Yuma and Lapaz counties so that's exciting. I love this type of work. Direct Services with Adults was an experience for sure but this is what I do best and I am extremely enjoying it. It's exciting to be part of the growth of a new program. Eli is going to start on his Masters this year, he's still deciding on a focus of study. I am excited for him. I really miss my peeps from HORIZON, I had a great partner/colleague I worked with, she's an amazing women and I truly miss her smiling face. You don't find that working relationship too often and it was real hard leaving her. I cried for a few days before and after, I think our COO thought I was going to have an anxiety attack. She was always a great support for me and understanding when I had to vent and I know I could talk to her about things in my life and it was not only safe but she cared. We keep in touch but I still miss her! Love ya Rachel!
I did a lot with my photography this year. I am still an amateur but I learned ALOT. I have a few pictures I will be submitting to the fair again this year, hopefully something will place. Kailtynn even became involved in photography and has a couple of pictures she's going to enter. We are excited to put those together. I learned I have a little bit of skill and a good eye for things so I'm excited for the next year to learn more and do more with the camera. I was able to photograph couples and families around the holiday season and I was also invited back to the EMCO shoot out to do the pictures. The husband, or I mean Santa hooked me up with some very awesome equipment for Christmas so that will hope a lot with my photo shoots. The sunflower field was one of my enjoyed moments. It was so beautiful.
Well, it's going to be a great year! There's alot going on ALREADY. Unfortunately our Marine leaves us again this year for deployment but hopefully this will be the last one, retirement maybe in his near future. and a whole new chapter for the Salter family.
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Eli and I renewed our vows in 2012, it was great seeing all of our friends and getting family together. Elis' mother and step father was able to come and stay with us for about 5 weeks. And his brother Alex and his family came for the wedding. I wish we were closer to them all but we're not so we'll make it work.
I have found over the last year a lot of way I look at things have changed. I have found that there were people in life that not healthy for me so I made changes. I want more then anything to have balance in my life with my family, career and friends. Without those pieces I am not at peace. I remember someone told me once you can have a thousand acquaintances but you should always be able to count your friends on 1 hand. These are people who you can go months without talking and go back like it's been only a day.
These friends are those you can talk to an you know your words are safe. Your feelings aren't manipulated and your not going to be judge or chastised in other conversations when your not there. I think my problem is that I believe in everyone is honest and true until I am proved otherwise. Year 2012 has forced me to do the opposite, they need to prove they are honest and true before I am otherwise trusting. It's unfortunate but I have been forced to focus in this direction because of the experiences I have had in the last year. I need to be ok for myself so I can be good for my husband and my family.
Don't get me wrong I have certainly made my amount of mistakes of the years but I have been extremely humbled in the last year with certain experiences I have been through and I have made a solemn vow to be who I am and be true to myself and I my conscious will be clear. I am such an honest person anyways, lying and being deceitful doesn't come easy for me. if you know me and if I've tried to lie to you you know I can't do it. lol
Our daughter is growing into an amazing young lady. She's picked up such a sense of humor from us. She loves to prank me. yes I said ME because I am the only one she pranks. once I'm asleep she'll draw on my face. Once she put power in my hair dryer and when i fell asleep they all stacked JENGA on my face. Im sure there are more pranks to come in 2013! Kaitlynn did her first season of CHEER through MCAS. She loved it and we've recently learned that the middle school she'll be attending has a squad there. It's tough work but I am hoping she'll continue with this sport. I know she enjoys it.
I did graduate with my Master in Public administration and in 2012 I started a 2nd Masters in Psychology. This is harder then anything I've ever studied. I will probably take a 5 yr break and then then work on my PH.d . I changed jobs in December. I am not working as a Program supervisor at Arizona's children s Association. I am supervising Yuma and Lapaz counties so that's exciting. I love this type of work. Direct Services with Adults was an experience for sure but this is what I do best and I am extremely enjoying it. It's exciting to be part of the growth of a new program. Eli is going to start on his Masters this year, he's still deciding on a focus of study. I am excited for him. I really miss my peeps from HORIZON, I had a great partner/colleague I worked with, she's an amazing women and I truly miss her smiling face. You don't find that working relationship too often and it was real hard leaving her. I cried for a few days before and after, I think our COO thought I was going to have an anxiety attack. She was always a great support for me and understanding when I had to vent and I know I could talk to her about things in my life and it was not only safe but she cared. We keep in touch but I still miss her! Love ya Rachel!
I did a lot with my photography this year. I am still an amateur but I learned ALOT. I have a few pictures I will be submitting to the fair again this year, hopefully something will place. Kailtynn even became involved in photography and has a couple of pictures she's going to enter. We are excited to put those together. I learned I have a little bit of skill and a good eye for things so I'm excited for the next year to learn more and do more with the camera. I was able to photograph couples and families around the holiday season and I was also invited back to the EMCO shoot out to do the pictures. The husband, or I mean Santa hooked me up with some very awesome equipment for Christmas so that will hope a lot with my photo shoots. The sunflower field was one of my enjoyed moments. It was so beautiful.
Well, it's going to be a great year! There's alot going on ALREADY. Unfortunately our Marine leaves us again this year for deployment but hopefully this will be the last one, retirement maybe in his near future. and a whole new chapter for the Salter family.
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Created a new Blog
Unfortunately I wasn't able to get into my currently blog that I have had for 2 years.
://thewalkoflifes.blogspot.com/2010/12/what-yearthe-salters-never-stop.html
So, with my new goal to stay active with my blog I created a new one. This is also linked to my photography page. WOW bummer but the link is there so You'll be able to kep up with the history if you'd like.
://thewalkoflifes.blogspot.com/2010/12/what-yearthe-salters-never-stop.html
So, with my new goal to stay active with my blog I created a new one. This is also linked to my photography page. WOW bummer but the link is there so You'll be able to kep up with the history if you'd like.
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